I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
