i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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