Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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