So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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