I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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