Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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