tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
