Porn is love you can see.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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