fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize