Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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