Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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