it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
