no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
