Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
