i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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