its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
