I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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