I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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