so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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