are you so shy because you have an std?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize