you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
