were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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