Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
