New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
