I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
