grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
