People in love make me want to vomit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
