I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
