dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize
