Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
