that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
