I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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