That's when you crack a 10am beer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
