After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
