i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
