You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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