So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
