I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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