I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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