peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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