The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
