Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
