honey bunches of taint.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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