we made out on top of his cat.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
