He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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