my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize