You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
