eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
