It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
