That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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