At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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