Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
