I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
two words...techno handjob
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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