What did we do last night that was yellow?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
