you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she smelled like a LAN party
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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