I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
