I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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