$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
