i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
