tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
