i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
