You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
