You just made me feel so damn special
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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