I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
