All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
