Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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